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Pseudo by Matilde Digmann: Feminist Graphic Novel Explores Sexuality and Addiction
Sex, shame and drug abuse are some of the many themes which the graphic novel Pseudo revolves around, while also addressing feminist discussions such as stereotypical ideas about gender and female sexuality. Pseudo talks about things we usually try to keep in the dark – it deals with issues such as shame, lust, masturbation, addiction, being attracted to “bad boys”.
“I’ve written it in order to come to an understanding of myself and to share what I found with others. The novel is dark, funny, thrilling and profound at the same time,” the Danish non-binary author, Matilde Digmann explains. Pseudo is Matilde’s debut, and is the first piece in a larger series that aims to explore addiction and dependency. We had a chat with Matilde about the meaning of the title Pseudo, how the process of writing the book also was an important healing process for them, and how it all relates to feminism.
Inspired by the author’s personal experiences, Pseudo introduces the reader to a dark and dystopic universe. Here, the protagonist, Cat, takes a deep dive into the sexist world of online dating, in the search for emotional and sexual validation. As the story progresses, Cat takes a downward spiral, where she mistakes sex for connection and falls into drug abuse. As a result, Cat develops a higher consciousness, and involuntarily grows a third eye which gradually changes their view of the world.
When asked about how the idea to write Pseudo came about, Matilde explains how it all started as a “fun little project” back when they started online dating after getting out of a 9 year marriage: “Because I had been married for almost a decade I met the world of online dating with completely fresh eyes (compared to many friends who had been on and off the apps for years), and during my first year as a newly single I had a lot of really crazy experiences with dating, so I thought it would be fun and relevant to write about them. Later on the project took many turns and it became much bigger that I had anticipated.”
Tell us about your choice of the title and the amazing shiny and reflective cover?
Yes! The title of the book and the cover (which is a mirror) are important points in what I’m trying to say: That living in a constant state of ego and wantingness really is a pseudo life, and to treat everyone with love and respect, because we see that we are all one. The mirrored cover is to show people that we all contain shadowy parts that we’d rather not look at, but that all of us are okay – including our dark side. Pseudo is a way of forcing that, making people see their own shadow, by me outing and acknowledging mine.
Matilde tells us how Pseudo has been quite the personal journey, experiencing many life lessons and epiphanies along the way: “As I began writing I also started looking at my own patterns relating to love relationships – I began to see how destructive they had been and how I kept ending up with men I didn’t respect or even like – but who I kept dating because I really didn’t know how to be alone. I realized I had a pretty unhealthy obsession with sex which I mistook for real connection. I thought I was a liberated sexual being, but really I was very much looking for validation through sex and relationships. As I began writing Pseudo I was forced to start taking responsibility for my behaviour, see that I was really using men to fill a void and to stop finding twisted ways to justify my behaviour. Pseudo itself is my shadow work and part of my process to heal. I really wanted to sort out the feeling of numbness I had, and to start looking into WHY and WHEN I had lost my ability to love with an open heart.”
Tell us more about how Pseudo relates to feminism?
”As I started looking into my self, becoming aware of my shadow, and doing trauma work – I not only saw my own shortcomings but also all the violations that has been made against me because of my gender – from very early childhood into my teenage years to adult life. I realized that the reason why I saw myself as a marketable object (whose value was determined by having a nice ass, a pretty face etc.) instead of as a human being, was partly because that is the way I have been taught by society to value myself (and others). I began to see how the value system of the patriarchy had been internalized in me – from movies, TV and media.”
“I began to see the programming I had grown up with and I actually started questioning the gender binary as a valid system. It’s a system that shames women for being (too) sexual while at the same time sexualising us and demanding that we be sexy. How are we supposed to navigate that? And what about our inherent untamed and free sexuality? Is there a way back to that?”
“Pseudo is a feminist project because it calls out structures in society and discrepancies in the dominant morality. I saw that we as people have been programmed and duped, and that dating apps add to the marketisation of love and that is such a huge issue. Our ability to love freely is being tampered with and we need to become aware so we again can become free.
In my opinion, gender plays far too big a role in our ability to relate to each other – the binary creates such animosity, and in our society there are huge differences between what’s seen as acceptable behaviour due to your gender. I realised that my behaviour was typically “male” and that I was given much more shade for being a “player” than I would have if I was biologically male. Looking critically at the programming, that we as a generation have grown up with, showed me that this is not a female or a male issue, but an issue of humanity. I want to work towards deprogramming and unblocking all of us, so we can again be free and happy individuals.”
“If we can meet each other as humans instead of as men and women I think we’ll have come a long way. ”
It takes courage to take such a deep dive into one’s own shadow, and to share it so openly and honestly with others who might gain comfort in being able to relate to similar feelings. For this, we admire Matilde and how Pseudo manages to raise important questions, in a daring yet humorous way – our favourite part being, that it is done through a protagonist who is a cat (YES, definitely a cat person here). At the same time, Matilde’s drawings and aesthetics are fascinating to look at, and through which societal critique is presented in a pleasant and digestible way: ”I want to tell my story as openly and honestly as possible (and in a fun accessible way) because I know there are a lot of people out there struggling with the same issues that I was struggling with. I’d like to give people comfort in knowing that they’re not alone, and to show them the way out of abuse and back to themselves. That’ll hopefully happen with the two books that are due to follow Pseudo – where Pseudo mainly describes the addiction, the following books will describe Cat’s way out of the woods. Hopefully it’ll inspire others to do their own healing.”
“I always say that Pseudo saved my life because I felt like I had to break out of my addiction in order to write it. Doing trauma work has made me a better person, better able to function in the world. I wrote it because I wanted to give to others what I so freely received.”